The Truck Hierarchy: Confessions of a Reluctant Truck Owner
I’ve never considered myself a truck person. Growing up, trucks weren’t part of my world, and driving one wasn’t a goal. However, over the past few months, after getting behind the wheel of several different trucks, it became clear that there’s a hierarchy, and it’s based on more than just size and capability.
My recent truck test drives included models like the Ford Maverick, Nissan Frontier Hardbody, Chevy Colorado ZR2 Bison, Jeep Gladiator Mojave, and Chevy Silverado 1500 ZR2. During this process, a pattern became clear: the size of my truck relative to others was a factor, and I was constantly aware of my place in the truck world.
This wasn’t always a rational feeling. But, every time I got behind the wheel, I couldn’t help but size up my truck against everyone else’s. There’s something about being in a truck that makes you think about what other people think – even if you don’t want to.
The King of the Road
This feeling reached a peak when I drove the massive Silverado 1500 ZR2. With its 420-horsepower V8 engine, bold front grille, and rugged off-road tires, I felt like I ruled the road. I looked down on other truck owners, in their base Silverados and Jeep Gladiators. It was a feeling of superiority.
That is, until I was stopped at a countryside red light and a GMC Sierra 2500 HD pulled up next to me. The rumble of its 6.6-liter Duramax diesel made my heart sink. I was immediately, undeniably, “little-bro’d.” I wondered if the driver knew. Did he know I was sitting in my big, expensive truck, suddenly questioning everything?
I’ve driven dozens of cars during my Jalopnik career, but I’ve never had this particular feeling before. The feeling of superiority/inferiority that comes from the truck world, makes you very aware of the hierarchy. Also, you know every other truck owner knows what you feel.
The Hierarchy Unveiled
The truck hierarchy begins at the top, and it might not be what people expect. At the top of the truck pecking order are older trucks from the ’70s through the ’90s. These are the “real man” trucks. When you’re in a brand-new lifted pickup truck, you’re just playing dress-up.
Behind the old trucks, come one-ton heavy-duty trucks, your Ford F-250s and 350s, Ram 2500s and Silverado/Sierra HDs. Diesel engines get you extra points. Next, come off-road specials like the Ram TRX, F-150 Raptor, and Chevy’s ZR2s. The bigger the tires, the better.
Then, come the regular half-ton pickups. Following those are compact pickups such as the Tacoma, Canyon, and Ranger. Finally, at the bottom of the hierarchy are trucks like the Hyundai Santa Cruz, Honda Ridgeline, Ford Maverick, and Jeep Gladiator.
Gladiator’s Downfall
Initially, I thought the Gladiator was a decent truck, but my opinion shifted during a typical truck task: moving. Its bed is shallow. The bed is only 17.5 inches deep, which made it useless for items that took up more vertical space. This made it a pain when it was moving time.
In the end, I used my grandmother’s beat-up Chrysler Town & Country minivan to complete the move and found that it suited me much better. The Gladiator, as neat as it is, isn’t really a truck.
I noticed the Silverado, with its massive bed and Multi-Flex tailgate, made moving stuff nice and easy. The large rear seats gave me a place to hold more valuables. And while I don’t need a truck as big as a Silverado ZR2, or an F-150, it’s nice to have. Just remember, in the truck world, size and image are often more important than function.
Driving big trucks sometimes means confronting your ego, but that is the truck world. Sometimes, you have to accept the hierarchy.
